The Mission Field

Not a whole lot of things have happened since my last post as far as jobs go. Yesterday I went to apply at FedEx, but I soon found out that they have a nice little screening process, in the form of a tour.. In order to scare those not so serious applicants. My scary tour will be tomorrow night, only then can I fill out an application and get an interview, on Monday. I still have not heard back from my other attempts at employment. I remain optimistic.. and by optimistic I mean that I am trusting God to provide. At last with my bank account finally in the green, by the grace of God.. I now wait to see God's next miracle, paying my second largest bill of the month.
Earlier this week and even last week I found myself slipping so quickly into a state of depression over finances. If there is one thing that I struggle with and have the most trouble trusting God over, it's finances. How am I going to pay for this? How am I going to pay for that? Hello! God, where are you? Then God graciously taps me on the shoulder and says, I'm right here.. what's wrong? Oh.. right. Thank you. If I allow it, finances can keep being that trial that God continually tests me on while He is up there going.. When is this kid going to learn?

I'm going to finish my thought on finances here in a minute, but first I have to tell you all about my day today.
This morning I awoke with a re-occurring thought.. and I think , no, I know, that I have now answered. Because I used to, and now am in this mindset. The thought was, why are these weird seminary friends of mine, when I ask them what they did for the day reply with.. I have been listening to a sermon on.. such and such.. or I've been listening to a sermon on this.. I mean, they go to class after class that puts them in the middle of the Bible all the time, they go to church like 5 times a week and they do ministry, ect. ect.
Then I came to the conclusion this morning as I found myself looking for a good preacher and a good sermon.. and the conclusion was that by the definition of the rest of the world, yeah, they're weird.. but for me to be saying that they are weird, is in itself, weird. Any way.. the point that I have been trying to.. point out.. haha... uhhumm.. is that they aren't weird at all, because when I found myself searching for just those things, it's because I have this hunger inside of me.. and not the physical hunger that says, I really want a nice big bacon double cheeseburger right now.. It's the hunger inside of me that says, I want to learn.. about God... I want to know.. more about God.. I want to be closer.. to God. There's a deep hunger, an inner groaning that is crying out to know more about the character of God, to just know more about who God is and what He is doing in the lives of others.
So I got online and started looking up sermons.. So I thought.. where in the world do I begin? Where do I start? Who do I listen to? So a few great speakers came to mind.. John Piper, Louie Giglio, and Voddie Baucham. But the one that I zeroed in on was Voddie Baucham. Wow, what an incredible speaker! After listening to that guy today, my mind has been broadened and expanded to new thoughts and new ideas about who God is and new truths of His Word that I wouldn't have ordinarily known.
Today it was as if God spoke through Voddie and was speaking directly to me.. imagine that. And it was right up my alley. It was all about the family, kids, the roles of the man in the household and everything that goes along with that. How children are such a huge blessing and that as a man, I am to be not only the head of my household one day but the one who disciples my kids, my wife. I mean, I already knew all of these things and they were in the back of my mind.. but you know how, when you have someone who knows how to articulate a certain idea and make you think about it in a way that you never had before or you turn on this light in the corner of your mind and you have one of those.. Oh yeah! , kind of moments? It was one of those.. and I began to think of the children's home that I want to start one day and how all of this plays into that.
I really haven't even begun to share the tip of the iceberg.. but we'll have to save all of that for a later date.
After listening to Voddie's sermon as I did my laundry at the local laundromat, I was driving back up to my apartment, and right as I opened my car door.. this little sixth grade boy that I had played baseball with the other day, pulled up on his bike right next to me and asks if me, him, and his cousins can go to the seminary and go swimming. I looked at him with a big smile and said, you bet.. Lets go. So we take off and walk down the road.. me and four kids, to go swimming. Before we left to go swimming I told the youngest one, the sixth grader, that I wanted to first go and speak to his folks. So we went across the street to his house.. the house that had been told to me by other neighbors was a bit of a party house.. and I soon noticed that as I approached the front door, by all of the beer bottle caps laying all over the front yard. I came to the door and was greeted by his older sister. We chatted briefly about this and that.. and so me and the boys went to the pool. The oldest one is going to be a sophomore this year and he's trying out for the baseball team.. first baseman.
I have to say that all of this was the highlight of my day. To get to be a part of these boy's life's. The opportunity to have an impact on their lives.. It's no mistake that my favorite sport is baseball and it just so happens that I'm across the street from a group of boys that love to play baseball and are trying out to be on their schools baseball team. I told them to make sure and get me a schedule because I would love to come to some of the games. It's been great just getting to know these boys and building that relationship with them and starting to build a relationship with their family. It's like I can see the potential of what God can do here, and it just excites me that I can be a part of that.

After our swim I went home and cooked up some dinner. Afterwards I grabbed my little ipod and decided to go for a walk and listen to a podcast that I had downloaded earlier on in the day.. The podcast was of Louie Giglio and the Passion conferences. As I walked around the local neighborhood and listening to Louie talk about a global movement that is happening, and my mind began thinking about missions.. and I began to think about something that I had previously thought about when I first arrived in Fort Worth. I made a joke to someone that I had indeed moved to a foreign country, and also that the neighborhood that I had moved into was really the most northern border of Mexico.
Now, I say all of that jokingly.. But I began to think, that this is a mission field. Of course, everywhere we go is a mission field. But this really feels like MORE of a mission field because of several things. Within at least a 5 to 10 mile radius of the seminary campus, there is a massive population of Hispanic people. If you drive around, there are more billboards and store signs in Spanish than there are in English! I walk around my neighborhood here and quickly see, that I'm the minority. Just a few blocks away at a local school, there isn't your usual football field.. There's a large soccer field. Everywhere I turn, there are Hispanic people. I live in a one bedroom apartment, right next to railroad tracks.. and my house shakes every time a train goes by, along with the loud horn that blows every time it passes.. throughout the day, and even all hours of the night.. and I'm here for the next three years. It's like I signed up for the journeyman program without even realizing it.

As I was going over all of this on my walk, I began to think of how this is my mission field. I am on the mission field right now. I'm doing missions right now and its already started with my neighbors and those kids across the street.
And this is where I want to finish my thought about finances from earlier. In trying to think and be a missionary where I am right now, lately I've been convicted about something.. and as I thought about it, it was also a root for depression. This thought of me. I can get so caught up in me, and everything about my own life, that I forget about other people. I forget about the needs of other people. I got two different text messages the other day from friends who were requesting prayer because they had family members that are battling cancer. After the second message in the same day.. I just stopped and said to myself.. I think God is trying to tell me that I need to pray. I have to stop focusing on me so much. Everything keeps being about me and my life, and I'm missing the boat. I'm missing all the things that are happening around me. I'm so caught up in what I can get and what I might be able to buy once I get here, or once I do this or that.. that I forget that someone's 5 year old son is battling cancer right now. I forget, that there are 5 kids.. that have been dropped in my lap, by God.. That need Jesus. I forget that there is a conference going on right now in Indonesia where some college student brought his Hindu friend to hear about Jesus, and how that guy needs prayer. That his eyes would be opened to the gospel.
You have to stop looking for a mission field, and open your eyes.. Because your on it.
And the question that is probably being asked at this point is, so what does that have to do with finances? I'm glad you asked. All of this for me, has to do with finances because finances is my weak area and I keep getting caught up in it. I began thinking about how I had mentioned to someone just a week ago how I would like to buy one of those new iphones in a couple of months, or I think about how I would like to have this or that.. But this realization came over me.. and I am not saying that its wrong to have nice things.. don't you go lying on me now. ;) I'm just at this point right now in my life where, I don't want any of those nice flashy things. For the moment, I want to live like a poor man. Which, believe me.. I am doing it.
The reason I am saying all of this is because, I don't want money to be my pursuit. For the last year I worked for a bank, and when a person works at a bank they naturally think about money. It's a part of the job. But during that time, my focus began to be all about what I could make. I applied for a position as a commercial lender, and if I were to have attained that position.. Having a six figure income within the next several years would not have been out of the question. But by the grace of God, I didn't get that position.
As I said before, not that having nice things and improving ones quality of life is bad, because its not.. I am merely stating that, I want to completely take that focus and any greed that I may have in my life, and get rid of it. Money has, and can be a source of great turmoil. I'm just trying to get to that point where I am completely satisfied with what I have, and anything that God decides to give me, just count it as a blessing. I want to keep my focus on Him, and not on the almighty dollar.

Well, it has been a good day. Obviously, I've been doing a lot of thinking today. Please continue to pray for me as I look for a job, and also as I try to find a way to pay for my schooling. Right now, I really don't know where the funding is going to come from and I came in a little too late to apply for any scholarships. But God always provides. There are a lot of things to be praying for, so keep praying! Until next time..