Tough Times

I feel as though I have been bringing a lot of bad news lately, and part of me doesn't want to write anything at all because I want to keep up a front that says.. "Hey! Everything is fine, nothing is wrong. I'm not experiencing trials, because God is good." But the truth is, the Bible tells us just the opposite of that. We will experience trials and tribulations. We will experience hard times. But the important thing is what you DO during those hard and difficult times.

As I may have mentioned last time, I have been having trouble with getting money for school and for books. It is now nearly a week into the semester and at present.. things aren't looking very good. The other day I was told about a possible one thousand dollar scholarship, but I have no idea whether I can get it or not, and when I would get it even if I was accepted for it.
I do have some good news, and that is.. On Monday I got a job with FedEx! The down side is that I won't be able to start for another week, maybe two. The reason is just because of their training schedule.
The other small piece of good news is that my professor for one of my classes is allowing me to borrow the textbook for that class. As far as my other two classes, it looks as though I am on my own.
To paint a complete picture as to where I currently stand.. I have no money, for a lot of things. First of which is tuition, second is books. I'm pretty sure I can cover my rent for this month. But that doesn't include other expenses such as utilities, cell phone, insurance, and one other bill I have. I have no idea when I will begin to be taken out of my classes for non-payment. The official rule is that if there is not a full payment made by Aug. 15th, then the whole amount is due immediately. Somehow I've been allowed to remain in my classes.
So that's all the really negative stuff, that is really pulling me down. I do my best to try and see the silver lining. It's as if a battle is taking place within me where one side is telling me that I should just pack it up and go home. It is apparent that things are beginning to fall apart, and maybe this wasn't what I was supposed to do. But wait! There's the other side that is still holding on and bringing back that constant reminder of what took place for me to get down here. How God provided a new roommate to take my place in Bolivar, how, after two years I was able to sell all my lawn equipment, how I sold all my furniture within a week and a half, how God provided a place for me to live in what usually takes at least a MONTH, I was able to get a place in less than 24 hours! Then after being in Texas for LESS than a week, God provided not just one, not just two, but THREE different jobs for me.
God has done nothing but continually provide, over and over again. He also brought me to a school that has probably the best counseling program out of all the seminaries. Also, a school that has a very very large emphasis on missions. Both of those two things have my name written all over them. God has brought me here for a reason. I'm not here by accident. Even though it seems as if the walls are crashing down on me, and that there doesn't seem to be any hope.
If someone were to ask me how I feel, right now.. I would say this, "I'm a little scared, I don't know what's going to happen next, and I don't know where the money is going to come from. But what I do know is this. I serve a really, really big God. Who has taken care of me, and provided in ways that I could've never imagined in the past. Am I going to be here next week? Right now, I don't have an answer to that question. All I can say, is that God is good, and don't stop praying. Because God is always listening."

You know, the other day I had a dream about a boy who used to live on my street when I was in high school. This boy was abused, neglected, unloved by his parents, and eventually sent away. I had forgotten about this boy for many years, until I had this dream. The next day, I thought about what this boy had been through and what he has been going through over the years. Moved around from home to home, from one foster family to another. The hurt and the pain that he must be going through. As I was thinking about him, my heart broke for this boy. I fell on my face before the Lord, and I wept. And I asked myself, I wonder where he is now? I wonder how he's doing? Does he know, how much God loves him? Even though he's been hurt and rejected all of his life, does he know that that isn't the way its supposed to be? Has anyone shared the love of Christ, and that Jesus came down to earth and died on the cross so that we could have fellowship with God? I asked myself all of these questions and many more.. I was able to call one of my old neighbors and ask what his last name was so that I could try and find him. See how he is doing and if I would be able to make contact with him.

There are children, every day, all over the world.. that experience abuse, neglect, have feelings of being unloved, unwanted, question who they are, have no sense of identity, or what this life is all about. The Lord has placed a calling on my life to open a children's home. When I hear about kids like this, my heart goes out to them. One day I want to provide a place, a safe place, where kids can come and have a place to live, a place to learn about God, a place to grow. Most importantly, a place where they can feel loved, and loved by God.

This is where my heart is, and this is what God is calling me to. There are so many things to be praying for. I would encourage anyone who is reading this to pick one or two things and pray about them every day. God is good. Don't stop praying.